Gamer (2009)

A seat of the pants action ride through the not so distant future foreshadowing the next level in gaming that will bring new meaning to the saying, "you don't live to play... you play to live."

From the duo who brought us both in-your-face installments of Crank, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor are at it again with this near future gaze into a society completely enveloped in the digital realm. Michael C. Hall (Dexter) plays the megabillionaire playboy Ken Castle who has the word at his fingertips, literally. After plans fell through on a government project he was working on, he took the technology mainstream and has integrated it into two of the biggest entertainment crazes the world has ever seen. The first being a live action version of "The Sims", where you can live your life through another person and do all sorts of whacky things. The other, live action first person shooter deathmatch tournaments where death row inmates volunteer their lives in hopes of surviving long enough to be set free. Enter Kable, played by Gerard Butler (300, RocknRolla), who is the games main phenomenon... on the verge of his release. Controlling him, is a 17 year old gaming wonderkid named Simon (Logan Lerman, 3:10 to Yuma, Hoot). Unfortunately for both, Castle has no intention on letting any of this get out of control. But if Kable wants to survive to see the outside of prison, and get back to his family, he'll have to use Castle's technology against him and free the will of the world.

For any fan of online FPS games, you must check this flick out. In the respect of technology, gaming, action, FX... this movie is a giant success. Sadly, there were lots of flaws elsewhere int he movie that really kept me from using my bias towards these type of movies to the fullest. Okay, so all those good things, the only thing better was that it had a half decent cast. Not only the main players, but adding in Kyra Sedgwick, Ludacris, and Terry Crews... not to mention a cameo by John Leguizamo... you'd have expected a better level of acting than what was being done. Outside of the action scenes, the camera work seemed really sloppy and choppy. And there were so many jump near the beginning, this and that going on, it was hard to follow. And you'd be retarded not to compare this move to Death Race, more specifically the remake with Jason Statham in it. Basic overall plot... same. It's a fine, entertaining movie... just don't go in expecting something oscar worthy and you'll come out happy.

6.4/10

Rated: R
95 mins

Jennifer's Body (2009)

A fun, seemingly aimed at fans of campy Horror/Comedies of the 80's that will surely leave the guys drooling and the girls pitted against Jennifer because "she's evil... and not just High School evil."

Karyn Kusama (Æon Flux, Girlfight) directs this new generation of High School horror starring Megan Fox (Transformers, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People) as Jennifer, the number one hottie from the small town of Devil's Kettle, MN. SHe convinces her less than gorgeous BFF Needy, played by Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!, Mean Girls) to go out to a local dive bar where a small time band called Low Shoulder is having a show. Seemingly right away Jennfer is put in a trance by the band, and as a pyrotechnic "accident" occurs and the place burns down, with many locals dieing, Jennifer and Needy make it out alive, and right into the arms of the band. Suspecting no good, Needy heads back home while Jennifer is off for a night with the band... resulting in her untimely sacrifice to Satan himself as the band attempts to trade a life for fame. But Jennifer is alive... and now the young boys of Devil's Kettle are on the menu for the newfound demon inside her, included is Needy's boyfriend Chip (Johnny Simmons, Hotel for Dogs, Evan Almighty). Is Needy just going crazy? Or does she really need to save him from an early death at the hands of her long time friend... by taking matters into her own hands.

I'm not going to lie... my rating below, heavily weighted on the sexiness of one Ms. Megan Fox. This movie was slated as a Horror/Comedy... I found it neither scary nor funny. I felt the story was pretty original though... botched sacrifice resulting in hungry (and devilishly sexy) Succubus who terrifies town... nice. Lots and lots and lots of things missing throughout the movie, and I doubt they were added in the 5 mins extra on the UR version. I enjoyed seeing my boy Josh Emerson in the flick, though he may be becoming quite the typecast for the HS jock role. J.K. Simmons and Amy Sedaris rounded off the supporting cast I was familiar with. The gore and effects were good, production value was there... I guess it's just the fact it really wasn't that great of a movie. But I'd watch it again to see Megan and Amanda make out one more time.

6.0/10

Rated: R
102 min | 107 min (unrated version)

Inglorious Basterds (2009)

An epically curious view of the plight of the French Jews during the occupation and a wonderfully bold vision of the undercover attempts at bringing down the Third Reich... and if you're in the business of killing Nazis, "business is a-boomin'."

"Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France..." That's the tagline of director Quentin Tarantino's (Kill Bill, Death Proof) massive WWII story revolving around two plots to take down the Nazi leadership... one from a US CIA black op led by one Lt. Aldo Raine who is played by Brad Pitt (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Burn After Reading), the other from a revengful, nazi loathing Jewish girl named Shoshanna, played by Mélanie Laurent of French film fame, who's family was slaughtered in the countryside by Nazi SS Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz), the "Jew-Hunter." Aldo's band of Jewish-American merrymen keep busy ravaging Nazi patrols all throughout France by using a terror technique learned from the Apache Indians of North American to instill fear and doubt. Eli Roth (Director of Hostel, Cabin Fever), plays the "Bear Jew" who has become a mythical, bat wiedling creature reading to bludgeon to death the entrenched Nazi's . As it turns out, both plots to destroy the Third Reich intertwine as Shoshanna becomes the object of affection for a young German soldier named Fredrick Zoller (Michale Fassbender), who also happens to be starring in a movie about his heroism... this leads him to get his movie premiered at the very theater Shoshanna now owns and operates. At the same time, Diane Kruger (National Treasure) plays a German actress who is a spy for the US/UK and working out plans to blow up the theater while the event is occuring. Shoshanna has other plans...

Amazing movie, really. Automatically in my Top 5. The dailog is expertly written, and executed in the same regard. The characters were fun, believable, and easy to connect with. The story, for this subject matter, couldn't have been any better. My only real blah thing about the movie is what gets me about most Tarantino movies, the music. I don't know, maybe it's just me... but I guess it wouldn't be a Tarantino movie if the score was done just like every other movie. It's a tad lengthy, but I hardly noticed. Oh, and this isn't for kids, so please... it has an R rating for a reason.

8.2/10

Rated: R
153 mins

The Reaping (2007)

Centuries old plagues are spooking a small community, and the girl they suspect of bringing about the evil is the only one with the key to their salvation.

Hilary Swank (P.S. I Love You, Million Dollar Baby) stars in this Stephen Hopkins (Lost in Space, The Ghost and The Darkness) directed film as Katherine, a renounced Christian missionary who now works to debunk religious miracles as simply scientific phenomena. Along with her assistant Ben (Idris Elba, Obsessed, The Unborn), they visit a small Louisianna bayou town at the request of the town's priest, Doug (David Morrissey, Derailed, Basic Instinct 2), who believes that perhaps they are being smitten with Biblical plagues. Surrounding all the controversey, the town blames a young girl named Loren (AnnaSophia Robb, Race to Witch Mountain, Jumper) for all the strange occurences. But not only is Loren responsible for the plagues, but the town itself is responsible for Loren, as Katherine uncovers their dark secret fights with her own beliefs to determine if what's happening is really going on.

Surely I find myself in the majority of people who saw this movie expecting complete crap, and were amazed and how bad it isn't. Still not great, not a "must see"... but definitely a "watch if don't have anything better." I really enjoyed the modern twist on the age old plague story, and this story is not something that would be deemed out of place for the setting... I could actually believe it. Decent acting with a well rounded cast with good production value seemed to really go a long way for this film.

5.7/10

Rated: R
99 mins

College (2008)

A juvenile, hilarious foray into yet another college, party orientated movie that is sure to draw similarities to others in the past few years.

Deb Hagan produces this freshman comedy about three high school guys, Kevin (Drake Bell, Disaster Movie), Carter (Andrew Caldwell, Drillbit Taylor) and Morris (Kevin Covais, American Idol 2006 Top 12) who are in their senior year and realizing that perhaps they have happened to have missed out on all the fun. After being dumped by his g/f, Kevin gathers the guys for a trip to his prospective school and prepare himself for the next step. However, after shacking up with a campus fraternity and experiencing a life he never knew was possible, he meets sorority girl named Kendall (Haley Bennett, The Haunting of Molly Hartley) who makes him rethink his priorities. They guys spend a weekend in hell as they step the beat of the raunchy frat guys and put their friendship to the test.

You know, I gave this movie a pretty low score, but don't let that keep you from seeing this. It seriously had me cracking up throughout the entire thing. The lead, Drake Bell, yeah, I could do without him, he belongs back on Disney. But Caldwell, that kid is genius. If he hasn't taking acting cues from watching classic Chris Farley, then I don't know where he gets it. And really? Chicken Little from American Idol... the role was perfect for him. But except for a few good comedic performances, this movie is just the next in line of your basic high school/college comedies. Easily compared to the likes of Old School and Superbad to some golden oldies like Animal House or Porky's. So the lack of originality combined with the lackadaisical approach to the movie on a whole really kept this from being a standout. However, if you're evening calls for "titties and beer", watch this and go to sleep with a smile on your face.

5.7/10

Rated: R
94 mins

Horsemen (2009)

A busy father and dedicated detective investigates a series of murders that come way to close to home. "Four victims. Four painful secrets."

Dennis Quaid (Vantage Point, The Rookie) stars in this Jonas Åkerlund directed thriller about an overworked, yet dedicated detective named Aidan Breslin whom, since his wife's' passing, has spent more time behind his desk than in his two sons' lives. Aidan and his partner "Stingray", (Clifton Collins Jr.) head up an investigation of brutally violent, masochistic murders which in turn lead them to a group who proudly proclaim that, "We Are The Nothing." All of the murders point to ritual killings in the name of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and they are running out of time to save victim number four. A superb supporting cast of familiar faces (Ziyi Zhang, Patrick Fugit, and Eric Balfour) help guide you through the intertwined lives of the killers and victims alike as it all comes full circle back on Detective Breslin's doorstep.

You know, it's really great to read so many bad reviews, and then see a movie, and feel completely the opposite way. To be fair, the was no blockbuster, and well... Quaid is looking pretty haggard and seems to have taken a step back in the acting department, but on the whole, relatively enjoyable. I mean come on, you have the cute ninja chick from Rush Hour in it, though you would swear she stepped on set right after her English lessons. And would you believe Patrick Fugit, yeah him, the squirrely kid who got to see Kate Hudson naked in Almost Famous... he's in it, and wow, give that guy the "Suicide of The Year" award! I know in my previous review I had high praises for Clifton Collins... a shame I feel he sucked ass in this flick. If you like thrilling, crime movies that border on the grotesque (SAW, Seven), where there is a deeper meaning to it all, I think you'll enjoy this. The twist at the end is worth watching anyhow.

6.1/10

Rated: R
90 mins

Sunshine Cleaning (2008)

Between an odd behaving son, self-serving sister, and a father one step from being in a home, one woman overcomes the odds and really proves that "life's a messy business."

Rose Lorkowski (Amy Adams, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby) is the struggling mother of a son is always in trouble for "weird" behavior. Most of which seems to be instigated by her seemingly good for nothing sister Norah (Emily Blunt, Dan in Real Life, The Devil Wears Prada) who still lives at home with their quirky father and can't hold down a job. Working as a maid, Rose just can't seem to get ahead in life, and after seeing how successful all her old high school friends are, her sweetheart married off with a family, and her son misunderstood at his current school, she's had enough. Rose enlists the help of her sister and decides to dial the cleaning business up a notch by starting a fledgling crime scene clean-up company. Who knew there were so many rules and regulations for this kind of thing? A talented supporting cast lead by Steve Zahn, Alan Arkin and Clifton Collins Jr. round it all off in this Christine Jeffs directed, heartfelt drama.

If you haven't seen this, go rent it now, or at least put it in your Netflix queue. Really an absolute joy to watch this film. Back when it first came out I had no intention on seeing it because, I guess I never really knew what it was about. But once I read a small summary, I couldn't wait to see it. Maybe the overlying plot wasn't completely original, but the story sure was, and it was refreshing to watch something that seemed so... never done. The acting was superb, much better than I had hoped for from some of those involved. It was cool to see Clifton Collins in the film... he's like the new Steve Buscemi. Just an odd looking guy, great actor, lots of small roles. he's gonna be the guy you start to see in everything. The sisters were completely believable and you could really feel the emotion and pain in their lives. Need to smile today? Watch this.

7.5/10

Rated: R
91 mins

The Chaos Experiment (2009)

Tensions are high, and the temperature higher as a group of single and looking adults finds out that "chaos begins when the heat rises..."

The topic of Global Warming just got hotter in this Phillipe Martinez directed story or a disillusioned and discredited professor going by the fake name of Jimmy (Val Kilmer, The Saint, Willow) strolls into a news office in the middle of the night demanding his paper on global warming be published... or else. Confessing that he has six people trapped in a steam room somewhere in the city, he vows that unless he is published, these people will meet their fate by cooking to death. It's up to Detective Mancini (Armand Assante, American Gangster, Judge Dredd) to figure out if this seemingly psychotic suspect is telling the truth, if he's talking in past tense, or if this is all going on in the mans head. The supporting cast, lead by Patrick Muldoon (Stigmata, Starship Troopers) and Megan Brown, really start to feel the heat as tensions rise, and lives are lost.

Wow, the second craptacular Val Kilmer suckfest I've seen in the past 10 days. Anyone who thinks Kilmer actually did a good job in the role should be shot. Kevin Spacey would have nailed this role, but oh right, he's probably busy making movies that don't suck. Maybe that's being unfair, Spacey's character in Seven was what this genre is all about, so it's a rash comparison. But the psychological reasons and the setup of the deaths are so much like Seven and the Saw series, it's hard not to go there. You know what really killed me, how many effing slow motion fades where there? I mean damn, couldn't someone get a little more creative with the editing? The only parts worth watching were in the steam room, if you could get passed how quickly they all broke down and the terrible dialogue. One thing, Eve Mauro, such a hottie. If you're up for a quick T&A fix, watch it just for her. And lets not forget Rico from Judge Dredd (I love that movie!) is in it... or maybe you should. Just kidding, Armand does alright, can't fault him for crappy writing, that's not his job. If I can say one thing positive that's not nudity related, it's got a pretty good twist near the end.

4.2/10

Rated: R
90 mins

Seventh Moon (2008)

"According to Chinese myth, the dead are freed to walk among the living during the seventh full moon." Creepy enough for you?

From the director of The Blair Witch Project and Altered, comes yet another romp in the woods as American newlyweds Melissa (Amy Smart, Mirrors, Crank) and Yul (Tim Chiou) are in China to visit Yul's family. It just so happens to be at the time of the traditional Hungry Ghost Festival. After spending a day in the city, they fall asleep as their tour guide Ping (Dennis Chan, Kickboxer) leaves them stranded just outside a remote village. From here on out they learn that many Chinese who leave offerings, seemingly silly in fact, believe all too well in the horrors that awaits those who don't.

You know, except for a few things, this movie really appealed to me. It wasn't your typical Japanese horror type flick, and though I love those, I still liked this one. They used the supernatural myth idea seen in many of the genre, but it seemed to be more suited for a Western audience if you know what I'm saying. Acting was okay, "baddies" were extremely creepy and real, music helped tone and pace the film... but camera work, it could have used a freakin' steady cam or something sheesh. The movie overall got the blood pumping with the intensity of some of the scenes where you were sure they would be caught, excellent suspense. For a bargain bin horror movie, you can't go wrong here.

A little side note regarding the basis of the story. The Chinese Ghost Festival, which very much is celebrated in the same way as Mexico's Dia de Los Muertos (Day of The Dead) and in a way comparable to our Halloween here in the US, is generally held on the 14th day of the 7th lunar month (of the Chinese Calendar). It's a day where the living leave offerings and pay respects to their ancestors. The offerings are usually burned, and the smoke carries the gifts to the deceased in the heavens. Other traditions involve leaving paper lanterns out at night to guide lost spirits to their resting place.

6.5/10

Rated: R
87 mins

Dark Country (2009)

A stylized thriller in the story telling vain of The Twilight Zone, this film serves you up a value meal, but regrettably forgot your fries.

In his directorial debut, Thomas Jane (Hung, The Mist) also stars as Dick, a man who wakes up a newly wed in Las Vegas and can't remember how or why. Accepting his nuptial fate, and along with his new bride Gina (Lauren German, Hostel: Part II), they head out across the desert at night to start their new life together. A few wrong turns later, they come across a one car wreck where they pull a bloodied, disfigured man into their car and race to save his life. "But their decision to save the man becomes increasingly regrettable when he turns on them, forcing the newlyweds to do the unthinkable. In a blur of paranormal chaos, the couple must take drastic measures to cover up their actions from the local police (Ron Perlman, Sons of Anarchy, Hellboy), ultimately leading each character to an inescapable fate."

I'm not sure I've really fully digested this movie or not, but here goes. I like Thomas Jane, really I do, but seriously? Perhaps throwing some others into the two leads may have made a difference, or maybe because of the style of the movie, it was supposed to be like that... but the acting, I just didn't feel it. Though I must confess that was an excellent way to make an ice cube disappear ;) I really loved the style of the movie, very Sin City like, however... it was also extremely distracting. Too many angles of the same shot with different lighting and whatnot, it completely disconnected me. For the first 15 minutes it was interesting, after that, too much. The story was pretty cool, but definitely something you could have watched in an hour episode of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits, with commercials.

5.1/10

Rated: R
88 mins

The Hills Run Red (2009)

Having similarities to other movies in the genre is not always a bad thing, and this handsomely bloody flick proves that imitation is the best form of flattery.

In this finely tuned death-fest, Dave Parker directs the story of Tyler (Tad Hilgenbrink, Disaster Movie, American Pie Presents Band Camp), a film student obsessed with a long lost, ultra-taboo film that he vows to himself to unearth and bring credit where credit is due. After finding the now grown-up little girl from the movie, and the directors daughter Alexa (Sophie Monk, Spring Breakdown), Tyler volunteers his girlfriend Serina (Janet Montgomery, Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead) and his buddy Lalo on a expedition traveling to the scenes found from production stills and the only known footage of the movie, the trailer. Alexa leads them through middle of nowhere, dense forest in search of the house where she spent her childhood, and where daddy kept all his film stuff. But between bad news locals and a demented, real life killer who's kept the movie going for all these years, who will be the last to survive and bring new light to the lost horror?

It's so much fun watching these straight to video movies, and though hoping for the best, you expect the worst. Thankfully this one landed in the "for the best" category. It started off slow, but after finding Alexa, the movie really picked up to a watchable pace. The acting, though not A-class, was pretty standard of a B film so I was happy with that. The cinematography and music really, really helped frame the situations, without it, this movie could have been a dumper. From first glance of the cover, you might think The Hills Have Eyes... well the title is the only similarity to it. This movie has more in common with Wrong Turn than anything else. The gore and special effects were pretty sweet, I can only think of one scene where it didn't look believable. The twist at three quarters through was pretty predictable, but the last five minutes are pretty insane, in the clinical sense.

6.7/10

Rated: R
81 mins

The Thaw (2009)

Think "The Thing" and you'll be left out in the cold. Think, worthwhile, interesting film, and you won't get much warmer.

Mark A Lewis directs the inevitably compared to "The Thing" story of a group of scientists, lead by Dr. Kruipen (Val Kilmer, Red Planet, The Saint) who stumble across a long frozen parasite that infects organisms and brings about a rather painful death. For an unknown reason, Kruipen allows a group of students, who are inadvertently are accompanied by Kruipen's daughter Evelyn (Martha MacIsaac, The last House on The Left) to venture out to the tundra laden, isolated base camp where they uncover the grizzly truth about what's been going on. Debating between getting help, or staying put to keep the parasite from spreading, they battle each other as one by one they succumb.

This film really had potential, but a few, well... more than a few things held it back. One, the acting... blegh. Though Val Kilmer did not play a lengthy role, he sucked for the time he was there. Most of the supporting cast really didn't support much, let alone their own weight. I thought Martha MacIsaac and Aaron Ashmore were half decent however. The story was very slow moving, too much for my taste, and it really didn't add much ya know, it's been done. Unless you're a germ-a-phobe (so it might actually scare you), or someone really into parasite invading human type movies, this is just an average, B movie that I'd recommend passing up for something you'll remember the next day.

5.9/10

Rated: R
94 mins

Trick 'r Treat (2008)

"Poison, Drowning, Claw, Or Knife. So Many Ways To Take A Life." An amazing, multifaceted holiday themed film full of dark humor and think-for-yourself terror. Sure to become a yearly screener for Halloween parties everywhere.

Michael Dougherty directs a patchwork of stories that loop around and become one during a relative small towns' amazing Halloween celebrations. "Nothing is what it seems when a suburban couple learns the dangers of blowing out a Jack-o-Lantern before midnight; four women cross paths with a costumed stalker at a local festival; a group of pranksters goes too far and discovers the horrifying truth buried in a local legend; and a cantankerous old hermit is visited by a strange trick-or-treater with a few bones to pick." "The rituals of All Hallows Eve were devised to protect us from their evil mischief, and one small town is about to be taught a terrifying lesson that some traditions are best not forgotten."

This is the first review I've ever NOT written the above summary/synopsis for on my blog. I usually like to use my own words to best describe what happened. But in this case, Warner Bros. said it best, and I really couldn't have done any better to portray to you what this movie was all about.

I first remember seeing this movie on the shelves at Wal*Mart quite some time ago, and passed it off as just another straight to DVD crapfest. Well let me tell you, this movie is arguably the best Halloween themed movie EVER. It's a travesty that this film was not in wide release at theaters all over. It really was perfect, and that's no exaggeration. The acting, cinematography, special effects (non CGI mind you), the story, the music... it was all perfect. Classified as horror, I can tell you not to expect any torture-porn style gore or anything like that. The story itself and the situations are enough to bring the fear. I'm not really sure how else to convey to you that this is a MUST SEE, no matter what the season... and if you see it on your next trip to Wally World, spend the few bucks, you'll be glad you did! And I mean come on, "The Kid" from Bad Santa is in it, what more can I say!?

As a side note, I wanted to point out a few names of the actors in the film. As it's not your standard movie with one or two stars, but a plethora of stories each led by their own "star." So here goes: Anna Paquin (TrueBLOOD), Brian Cox, Dylan Baker, Tahmoh Penikett (Dollhouse), Quinn Lord, and Brett Kelly.

8.6/10

Rated: R
82 mins

Pandemic (2009)

Where's the pandemic? That's what you'll be asking yourself after watching this story that has been better told via other outlets.

Jason Connery (The Devil's Tomb) directs this straight to video, para military bio-scare film starring Alesha Rucci as Sydney Stevens, a small town Veterinarian who is called to investigate strange, seemingly viral infections that are killing horses at a extremely fast rate from symptoms to death. A call to the CDC prompts the U.S. Army, under the command of General Matthews (Ray Wise, Reaper), to quarantine the entire county and all of it's occupants. Sydney, along with an eccentric, seriously quacked rancher named Spencer (Peter Holden), they try to outrun the Generals henchmen and get the truth out beyond the quarantine before it's too late.

I seriously wasted good offshore sleep time for this? Excellent plot, horrible execution. Lots of bad acting, no easier way to say it. And whoever thinks that the leads eye-candy helps save the film should be shot. You'd figure after the director made that crap flick with Cuba Gooding Jr (The Devil's Tomb), he'd have learned a few tricks in how not to suck the next time. Even my favorite TV Satan from Reaper, Ray Wise, was uncharacteristically disappointing. However, whoever did the digital effects on the blood vessels really had to have used all the films budget, it was good work. Makeup was on par with better movies as well.

4.5/10

Rated: R
90 mins

District 9 (2009)

Filled with sociological satire, this Sci-Fi thriller hits a deep one to center in a visually pleasing home-run that's sure to appeal to a broad audience.

Neill Blomkamp directs this story of a ginormous space ship full of malnourished aliens appearing over Johannesburg, South Africa. Initially welcomed and cared for, an ever growing populace is beginning to burden an already disheveled human existence. The refugee camp where the aliens are located has deteriorated into a militarized ghetto called District 9, where they are confined and exploited in squalor. Multi-National United is then sent in to forcibly evict the population with operative Wikus van der Merwe (Sharlto Copley) in charge. In this operation, Wikus is exposed to a strange alien biochemical, and must join forces with the "Prawns" not only to cure himself, but save their species from destruction on earth.

Why did I never see this in the theater? It would have been worth my $10! It was supremely enjoyable, more so from the middle to the end, but that completely makes up for the beginning. In what felt marketed to me as a Sci-Fi Horror movie, this film really gets its message across. What is portrays of who we are as humans is despicable to say the least, and damned near 100% true. As great as the movie looks and feels, sadly it left me with just so many questions. Where did they come from? What are they exactly? How do they understand English? How do we understand their language? They are bigger, stronger, and more technologically advanced then us, so how have we banished them to India-esque slums without retribution? As aggravated as I was, having connected with the main characters by the end, I got it. My eyes were opened, and I now see what needs to be done... watch this!

8.1/10

Rated: R
112 mins

Next Day AIr (2009)

What appeared as a typical "black" comedy turns out to be well executed story of money, deception, and murder. Not quite what it seems as Next Day Air proves, "it's all in the delivery."

Hip-Hop music video director Benny Boom brings us the dysfunctional story of a day in the life of ten individuals whose paths will cross in a unforeseen series of events. Donald Faison (Scrubs) stars as Leo, a soon to be fired delivery driver who mistakenly drops off the right package to the wrong people. Small time thugs Brody (Mike Epps) and Guch (Wood Harris) work fast to move the product and score a big payday, but the original owner is hot and on a rampage to take back his goods. Watch the weed induced humor as the supporting cast (Omari Hardwick, Emilio Rivera, Cisco Reyes, and the always funny Mos Def) flips the scripts and heads start to roll.

While not being what I expected, it was enough to keep me entertained. From the previews and the actors, I really thought it would be your average, typical comedy in the vain of Friday, but that was not the case (though Mike Epps does use a line from the first few minutes of Friday After Next). The acting was surprisingly good for a cast, other than the main players, who haven't seemed to be in much more than TV. It was fun to see a serious crime plot involve such small time goons, especially ones high on weed. But is that not how it always is? People without a clue land a hopeful payday at the expense of big time mafioso? What I'm saying is that it is a painfully unoriginal story. These days, making it "in the hood" isn't enough to carry a film.

6.5/10

Rated: R
84 mins

Orphan (2009)

In what first appears as another possessed child knock-off, Orphan delivers an unexpectedly suspenseful drama that not not only throw you for a loop, but make you think twice about adopting.

John (Peter Sarsgaard, In The Electric Mist, The Skeleton Key) and Kate (Vera Farmiga, Nothing But The Truth, The Departed), not of the "plus 8 variety", recently lost a child at birth. But wanting to extend that love to a child in need, they decided to adopt, and add another member to their family. Jaume Collet-Serra (House of Wax) directs the story as they visit a small home for girls and adopt Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman) who turns out to not be as innocent as she lets on. Mysterious injuries, deaths, and threats all surround Esther and she plays the family in a manipulative manner not unlike that of a master puppeteer. But she's only nine year old... right? "Can you keep a secret?"

Horror movie right? Well sorta... it's more suspenseful than really what you might classify as a horror flick, and the direction really plays to it. The music really helps bring you to the edge of your seat before unleashing what's around the corner, if anything at all. The movie, because of the twist which is supremely original, was totally not what I expected, and I mean that in a good way. It's hard really to express how I really feel about the movie without giving it away, but just know I thoroughly enjoyed it. The acting was executed perfectly, even by the children, and the cinematography was encompassing. This movie really goes through the list pertaining to the emotions it instills: Sorrow, Grief, Fear, Rage, Disgust and plain 'ol WTF!?

Sit down with a friend and watch this perverse take on a familiar story, it'll leave plenty to talk about afterward. Recommended to everyone, unless you're in the market for a new kid.

8.5/10

Rated: R
123 mins

Brüno (2009)

Brüno is well… hmm, hell, what is Brüno? It’s a see once and forget, shockingly funny, and seriously wrong film that revolves around an exiled fashion flamer who wants to re-image himself in the US. Did I say see once and forget?

Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) as Bruno, is directed by Larry Charles (Mad About You, Entourage) in this audacious shock comedy about a homosexual Austrian fashionista who becomes blacklisted all over the UK and feels the need to reinvent himself stateside. With his trusty Assistants’ Assistant in tow, he begins a journey that will take him to levels he never though possible. From attempts to seduce politicians, father an African baby, and even give up his way of life in pursuit of straight fame, Brüno goes the gamut to reclaim his stardom and become, “the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.”

As ridiculous as Borat was, it was interestingly curious to witness the state of our society in regards to someone as seemingly naïve as the character portrayed. In that sense, again Cohen excels, but in doing so may have fanned the flames of homophobia across the US. The blatant attacks on the Catholic Church and Southern “Good ‘ol Boys”, while outrageously funny, were hard to watch and borderline inappropriate. But that’s what this movie is all about, shock value… and there is plenty of it, but at what cost? All of the antics were crude and perverse, and many of the situations bewitchingly embarrassing. It was fun to watch the first time, but never again.

To close, I don’t recommend this film to anyone who doesn’t have a homosexual friend, or is extremely aware of gay culture. The movie can be fun to watch, but painful for all parties involved. It would otherwise just add to your disgust and discontent of an entire grouping of people all over the globe. But ask yourself this, “How do you protect yourself from a dildo?”

5.7/10

Rated: R
81 mins.

The Hangover (2009)

The Hangover is an amazing story of friendship that pulls out all the stops, but tends to drop the ball a bit in my court. I say that, but don't think for a minute this is not a must-see comedy, and by chance the comedy movie of 2009.

Todd Phillips (Old School) directs a trio of drunken goofballs led by Phil Wenneck (Bradley Cooper, He's Just Not That In To You, The Rocker), who take their soon to be married friend Doug (Justin Bartha, National Treasure) out for a night of debauchery in none other than Sin City itself, Las Vegas. Fast forward one mindless night that no one can remember, with a side of tiger in the closet, and you have the making of comedy genius. The guys wake the next morning with no teeth, no pants, and... no Doug! Zack Galifianakis, Ed Helms and Heather Graham round off the supporting cast (which might throw a surprise or two your way) as laughs ensue while the guys try to piece back together their night and find Doug in time for the wedding.

The story may not be original, but it takes plenty of liberties that really make it its own laughable entity. The movie really works. There are so many high points that even the low ones don't seem to blemish this laugh out loud comedy. Granted, the ending may not live up to the rest of the movie, and the music a bit dated (and at the same time fitting seamlessly into the scenes) but the acting was top notch and the comedy not too low brow for classic connoisseurs to detest. It really does go to show that, "some guys just can't handle Vegas."

I’d like to end by stating that I saw this movie five months after its release and had been filled with all the hype from my peers. Maybe I just didn't want to let myself hear this was a "two thumbs up" or "5 star" comedy... but I didn't have to because it really proved itself. Go see it, because if you don't, you'll just be the guy who hasn't yet.

8.1/10

Rated: R
99 mins. / 108 mins. (Unrated)

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)

This remake of the 1974 film of the same name delivers unexpectedly, but ultimately adds nothing to the original. It's best described as an old car with a new paint job, but still purrs like a kitten.

Denzel Washington (American Gangster, Inside Man) takes on the character originally played by Walter Matthau, Lt. Zachary Garber (though in this version, to pay homage to Matthau, the character was renamed Walter Garber) in this over the phone face-off with a criminal mastermind directed by Tony Scott (Man on Fire, Domino). Ryder (Jon Travolta, Wild Hogs, Be Cool), along with his three accomplices, are holding a NYC subway car and all of its passengers hostage, demanding a $10mil ransom. It's up to Garber to facilitate the actions therein, keeping Ryder cool and distracted, while he himself figures it all out. Is Garber in on the whole things? How could they possible escape? Is it really all about the ransom, or is someone working a hidden angle? It just makes you wonder what's, "the going rate for a New York city hostage today?"

This movie, though good, was simply just a remake. Perhaps that is what it was meant for, and not a reinvention. If it ain't broke right? The story is your classic perfect robbery scenario, where the bad guy is the only one who really knows how he's going to get away. The dialog between Denzel and Travolta was masterful, and a real pleasure to experience. The supporting cast of Luis Guzman, John Turturro and James Gandolfini all did an impeccable job of adding to the already stellar leads. I really enjoyed seeing Turturro in a role not unlike his Sector 7, awkwardly authoritative character from Transformers... he just gets no respect.

If you haven't seen the original, go ahead and give this one a whirl, there's definitely enough to keep you entertained. Otherwise, pick up a copy of Money Train, I enjoyed it a lot more.

7.4/10

Rated: R
106 mins